Monday, November 15, 2010

day????? yeah, who knows

One abandoned blog.

Poor blog :(
Here, have some rum ;)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Day 2799 (and 98)

Dear Dell,

Yesterday a co worker/ friend of my husband was supposed to be coming for dinner. The dinner I had planned was not complicated or time consuming by any means, but what was stressful and time consuming was making and keeping the house decent with the kids home.

I started out making the bed while Max pulled every cd in the house out and spread them across the kitchen. I vacuumed with a vacuum that apparently hates me and decided not to work yesterday. I picked up toys all day long, as I do every day, swished some cleaner around the toilet, and tried to keep the kids from smearing every piece of food they ever laid hands on across the couch, carpet, kitchen floor, and the walls.

And then, with 15 minutes til my husband and his friend would be home, my husband called to tell me our guest wasn't coming. In the end it was just as well as my husband got called in to work briefly, but boy that would have been nice to know before I spent the day stressed out.


Two things also came of this....I found some soggy asparagus at the bottom of the fridge...did you know it liquefies when it has been in the fridge too long. Yeah, I didn't know, and so when I pulled it out of the fridge I flung rotten asparagus juice every where...

YUM


The other thing was, thanks to Max, I have found 6 cheese-y cd's that I'm not sure how I have been living without.

Today I went to the girls' school to meet with the speech lady there. She seems very nice in person as she did on the phone the few times I have talked to her. She gave me some info for Gage as well. However being there with the boys, well that was fun, as usual. Gage screamed until I played with his Lego's for him, he tried to escape three times, and kept touching the lady's hand. Max tried to leave with a bucket of blocks. I suppose it could have been worse, well I know it could have been worse.

We left when school buses were being loaded for a trip to the zoo that Kayla was involved in. Gage has a lot of irrational fears, and they seem to be getting worse. He freaked at the kids in the hallway, freaked about walking near the buses, and then tried to get away from the van to get back to the school.


Exhausting.

We came home so that Max could pour my coffee on the carpet, and then go fishing in the turtle tank.


Tonight we went to the art show for our school system. Each school from K- 12th grade displays selected pieces of art. Kayla's artwork was chosen to be displayed.


Kayla's art....




...and a pic of Kayla petting a tortoise at the zoo. Yes, I know it is upside down, or maybe it's sideways, but I know.

The mom she was assigned to was nice enough to send me a picture, and she also bought Kayla a stuffed animal. She only had her daughter and Kayla. The kids were told not to bring money but I guess her friend's mom doesn't follow rules well, and that's ok with me. I thought that was sweet of her.


Off to watch mind numbing TV as the boys are finally asleep.


YAY!! I need some time off!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Day 2797 (and 96, and 95)

Dear Dell,

Well Dell, so far I am pretty much sucking at this daily entry thing, however I have written more on my two blogs in the past week and a half than I have on just one in the past year, I think.

Sunday fish were returned, fans were bought to try to help circulate the heavy air in our house, and we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. I learned that I do not think Buffalo Wild Wings is worth the money, and our waitress was bitchy. Nothing pisses me off more than spending a pile of money to have the staff treat me like shit.

Monday night Lizzie and I went to her first speech session at a new center. This appointment was for an evaluation. The lady who was supposed to see us, was not there. The place was nice though, I didn't feel judged or on guard because other kids behaved like mine. I also saw a Gage clone. I've never seen another kid act like him before. I know of other people who have young Bipolar children, but I have never been in their presence. It was kind of weird.

Today, and yesterday, Gage was in a low mood. He was easily agitated (as he is everyday) but he was not hyper at all. Today he was actually pretty well behaved.

I'm on guard for the upswing, and I feel it may be a doozy, we don't stay in the low mode for long periods very often.

Tonight I went to Walmart for chocolate milk and paper bags, both for Kayla's lunch Thursday (Zoo trip). This trip should have cost me a little under $5. However, it ended up costing something more like just under $65. Three dollar shirts, skirts, and pants add up fast when you are buying for four kids. I always think how much money I'm saving (and in reality I am) but when I see the total I feel pukey. I don't think I ever get out of Walmart for less than $20 though, and often the bill is more like two hundred and something dollars.

Max and the microwave....latest victim to be...build a bear workshop teddy bear.

Going to try to blog here and Crab Goggles tomorrow.

Good night :)

Saturday, April 17, 2010

days 2793 and 2794

Dear Dell,

I tried. I wanted to post daily but I missed yesterday. I did post on both blogs Thursday. Does that count?

Yesterday I spent most of the day feeling like someone kicked me in the stomach. I ran to the bathroom quite a few times. Which means I also did damage control when I left the bathroom quite a few times as well. Luckily nothing was set on fire in Max's new toy, the microwave.

Today we were supposed to go to a wedding. We discussed this morning and decided that sending a card was easier on everybody. The reception was indoors (we had already decided to skip the ceremony at the church) at the groom's parent's house. Considering we have never even met the people we didn't feel it was fair to bring Gage to them. So a card with some cash/gift certificate it is.

We went to Fuddruckers for lunch today. I don't know where else this restaurant is, so not sure who's familiar with it, but it is a hamburger joint with some yummy potato wedges and all the cheese you want to dip them in.

CHEESE!

YUM!

Kayla hates this restaurant so we spend half the meal dealing with her, and I spend half my meal contemplating how it is that we haven't taken her to a psychiatrist yet.

We then moved on to PetSmart where Gage behaved so badly I spent the car ride from there crying. I don't think that I could ever express the impact this disorder has on our family in words. I just don't think it is possible to understand the depth of how much this affects him and the rest of us unless you are also dealing with a Bipolar child. Lately it has felt very overwhelming. I'm just so tired of being embarrassed, and defensive, and on high alert. Can you imagine everything feeling like a crisis all the time? The adrenaline and the energy it takes to be ON the whole time? That is us. I'm so very tired.

Anyway, at PetSmart we bought some algae eating catfish for our small fish tank (we have a really big one for the turtles) however one of the two fish is already dead. Guess it's back to PetSmart tomorrow.

We finished our outing by going to Walmart for half the groceries (to be finished tomorrow at Aldi), and of course I spent half the time in there telling everyone to just go home, I would walk alone with the groceries. I seriously have no idea why I do this to myself. I always take everyone with me because there is something Grant and I will want to look at together and have to discuss, but after ten minutes being in the store I will remember why I flip out every time. I have no idea why I torture myself so much.

We came home to put groceries away and then of course the kids really became rambunctious. The highlight...Kayla tying a piece of plastic onto the top bunk bed and trying to swing off of it. It broke, she fell, and of course more crying.

Is it bad that every time she cries I want to stab my ear drums?

I know, I'm supposed to be touchy feely lovey dovey sympathetic, but she really just makes me want to run away when she starts with her cry.

I never promised to be sweet and nice... you get the truth here.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

day 2792

Dear Dell,

Last night I got very little sleep because I spent most of the night wedged in between Max and Gage. I don't know what we are going to do about this sleeping arrangement, but it is not working for me. I sleep pretty lightly as it is and I change positions a lot. I cant change positions when Gage's head is jammed into the right side of my rib cage and Max's head is almost jammed under my left knee.

Around lunch time today I got a tad annoyed, see rant on Crab Goggles, with my landlord. I'm not really sure why the guy thinks he can just open the gate and wander around the property with no notice, but it pisses me off beyond belief when I see him here, and pisses me off even more when he comes to my door to be fake and condescending. I knew when we signed our lease here that they were going to be over bearing, but the location was good and the property was nice so we signed anyway. Hopefully we will only be here for another year or two.

Did you know, Dell, that Pop Tarts are a food group? They sure seem to be in our house anyway. I cannot keep these things in the house. The kids devour them. They also drag them around the house so that I can find Pop Tart Jam all over everything.

Today, I should have been making a grocery list, getting my bills together to be paid in the morning, and making my meal list for the next two weeks. Yes, I plan my meals two weeks at a time. I plan dinner only, but it helps me because I can buy all the ingredients in advance and I have a list available for Grant. In the past he would make something and use dinner ingredients so that when I went to make a meal all the things I needed were gone. Now he can check the list and see which items he can safely use. I also have a really bad memory so it helps to know what my options are everyday. Anyway, I should have been doing all that, but I didn't. I spent my time crabbing and being assaulted by Gage who is having a really manic sort of day.

This evening I hope to do very little. The kids are outside working off some energy, I hope, and I already am lacking energy. I would love it if we could have everyone in bed by 8.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

ooops! Think I just pee'd a little.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 2791

Dear Dell,

Today I did not cook dinner. Not because I was still drunk from last night's dinner, but because I was hoping that if my husband brought something home with him that the preparation and clean up time could be cut down and maybe we could be settled down a little sooner. I am exhausted from chasing Max today. Bedtime is usually around 8:30, but today I wouldn't mind if everyone fell asleep at 6:30. As of now the kids have eaten but Grant and I have not. We will probably order sandwiches and wings from a local pizza place. It is nice to eat after the kids go to bed sometimes.

Well, as it's been said by my friend Kendra, my fairy crab mother brought me a new microwave. Unfortunately Max seems to think that this is the greatest thing on Earth. I pulled him away no less than 20 times today. Several things were lined up to be melted, set on fire, or at the very least thoroughly disinfected. Cups, pencils, rubber balls...

When Max wasn't playing with our new kitchen toy he was in the bathroom trying to get daddy's cologne. At one point he came to me with some article of clothing that was once on a stuffed animal and asked me to put it on him. He had been trying for a good 15 minutes to do it himself before he gave in and asked for help. When he got to me I was almost knocked over by the wondrous smell of cologne and dog pee. Apparently Max was not the only one who thought the stuffed animal clothing was appealing.

I made Gage's initial appointment with the new psychiatrist today, it wont be until the end of June. The lady on the phone asked me a bunch of questions. Stuff I expected, like name, insurance, age, diagnosis, medications, address....seemed to be going well, until she said

"...and please arrive 30 minutes before your appointment time in order to fill out the necessary paperwork"

snort

um yeah, guess they don't have many Bipolar children come though their office? Maybe she is new?

I asked if it was ok to fill out the forms in advance. There is no way I can fill out the forms with Gage with me, and no way I'm arriving 30 minutes early so that there are 30 more minutes of fighting with Gage and hoping that nothing gets broken, no one gets hurt, and I don't start publicly crying.

Well Dell..

hee, that rhymes!

I have one more thing to share from today. A story Kayla wrote in class.

One Day there was a girl named Soosin and she wanted to have a rhinosaurs and hir mom said Soosin code have a rhinosaurs so she wint to the zoo and asced for a rhinosaurus and the zoo ceeper said he did not have a rhinosaurus so Soosin wint to the juggl but she cod not fiand a rhinosaurus but she was unrelenting so she went to find a rhinosaurus she wint to her freds haws and har frends had a supris for her and it was a rhinisaurus.

That is one looooong sentence :) I love reading those little stories that they write at this age.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

day 2790

Dear Dell,

Today is my father's birthday. He was born on Friday the 13th. If I was born on Friday the 13th I would be living in a rubber room. I am way too superstitious. I talked to my Dad this morning on the phone (we live 1200 miles apart currently) he was sitting on new furniture waiting for the repair man for his apartment building to come and install new baseboards.

This morning I put a roast in my electric roaster. I added 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 pounds of carrots, two onions and a 3 or 4 pound roast. I also added red wine...maybe too much red wine. We are about to see how much alcohol actually cooked off...Maybe I should make the kids some macaroni.

This afternoon we saw the developmental pediatrician for Lizzie and Gage. Lizzie is going to wean off one of her meds for OCD and onto another. We are also looking for some social skills training help for her. Her school seems to be doing nothing for us and I'm beginning to get really frustrated with them. We are getting a referral to a private agency. I would have preferred some help during school for her, but I don't think that is going to happen. Unfortunately she has a teacher who feels that if a kid isn't disrupting her class, they aren't at all on her radar. I'm not sure her teacher enjoys her job much. Just an observation.

We have been given a number for a new Dr for Gage. Our Dr is only allowed to prescribe certain medications. Next stop is a psychiatrist who can prescribe the anti psychotics Gage needs. We are weaning off the current anti psychotic he is on so that the next dr will be able to start fresh. Gage was bouncing off the walls, trying to escape the office, stomped on the Dr's foot, and ripped the paper on the table to shreds. This Dr feels the next step will probably be an inpatient stay to observe, get his medications right, and figure out which therapies he needs.

Hearing that your 4year old might be hospitalized for in patient mental health care makes you want to puke. While we knew that hospitalization may happen at some point, I never considered that it might be this soon.

I have a new microwave today, along with way more honey buns than we really need. Not that I NEED any honey buns at all, but you know, they were on sale :)

Ok, so going to continue to drink my wine spritzer (fancy way to say cheap club soda and cheap red wine mixed together) and then get drunk on beef roast.